Author: Alyxander James

Ten Years of Accidental Fudge

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! It’s been a pretty lackluster week for me so far – I’ve been struggling to stay focused and am feeling pretty burned out on a lot of things. But I’m still here, and this is the penultimate week of my fall semester, so that end, at least, is in sight.

Unbelievably, today marks 10 years since the beginning of this blog! What started as a weekly blog about my medical transition has morphed into a weekly update on my life. I think I’m still in single digits for the number of weeks I’ve forgotten to blog, although I’ve skipped some weeks intentionally when traveling. I’m pretty sure this is the longest I’ve consistently stuck with any one creative project in my life.

Earlier this year, I had sort of thought that I would make it to the 10 year anniversary of the blog, and then maybe retire it. After all, 10 years is a nice round number, it’s been an impressive run, and I feel good about what I’ve put into it, but I also feel like I’m often struggling to find something to talk about when I sit down to write.

Now that it’s actually here, though, I’m a little more torn. On the one hand, I do feel like I’m ready to move onto other projects, and maybe it is time to let this one go. On the other hand, this is a time of year where I just have less energy, where I feel a desire to hibernate, and I’m more likely to give up on things in general, so I am wrestling with the decision more than I expected to. Do I want to put this blog to bed because I actually think that it’s served its purpose and it’s time to move on, or do I just want to not have to think of something to write about every week because I’m tired?

Here’s what I’m going to do. For now, I’m going to put this blog on an indefinite hiatus. The site will stay up, and I might still post from time to time, but I’m going to give myself a break from the expectation of a weekly post. Once I’ve made an official decision about what’s next (either for this blog or for future projects), I’ll post an update here.

Thank you to the friends and family who’ve been tuning in here every week. Until I figure out exactly what the next thing is, I’ll leave you, as usual, with some Nova photos:

Weird Holidays

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! Today is Thanksgiving in the US, and I have complicated feelings about it, as I do every year. I’d rather focus on the fact that it is also Wolfenoot. In any case, I’m going to keep this one short.

Some links and resources for this weird, uncomfortable holiday:

Tired

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! I don’t know if it’s that the time change is still throwing me off, if it’s general seasonal stuff, or if it’s just getting to be that point in the semester, but I have been so tired the past couple of weeks. Getting out of bed (and then staying out of bed) is taking Herculean levels of willpower. Work and school both feel overwhelming and like I’ve possibly bitten off more than I can chew. I’m just exhausted, and I’m not really sure what to do about it.

There have been some bright spots, though. For one thing, I’m taking tomorrow off as my quarterly “wellness day,” which my department intends as a day, planned in advance, dedicated to doing something to care for your mental health. I intend to spend mine sleeping and reading something for fun, although I’m also not holding onto any plans too tightly at this point.

Also, yesterday some dear chosen family members asked me if I’d officiate their wedding next summer! So, after a little Googling and a quick chat with a fellow non-religious seminarian who’s also done this, I went and got myself ordained by the Universal Life Church. I’ll need to get registered with the county once that paperwork comes in the mail, but I’m pleased and amused by how straightforward that was. I’m excited to get to help our dear ones craft a simple wedding ceremony that fits them and honors the life they’re building together.

Anyway, that’s about it for this week. Nova’s also been sleepy:

Home Again

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! I had a lovely time in Chicago; somehow, miraculously, I didn’t end up with covid. I got to spend some really wonderful time with some of my queer gaming community while I was there, who I miss dearly. While the work part of the trip was pretty exhausting (it was productive and good, but just required a lot more being “on” socially than I’m used to), the social part was life-giving.

I got home Sunday afternoon, and made the mistake of not giving myself a recovery day, so this week at work has been rough. I ended up calling in sick today after waking up with a massive headache; today I’m going to try to focus on resting a bit and also catching up on the last of the homework that’s due before class tonight. We adjusted the dose of one of my meds this week, and one of the side effects has been random waves of nausea, which has not helped anything on this week when I’m already feeling pretty low on mental cutlery.

Tomorrow I have some fun plans as well as a meeting with the person who’s in charge of practicum stuff at my seminary to talk through when I can start that officially. I’m hoping this weekend can be restful and that I can start next week with a bit more energy than I had this week.

Nova was very excited to have me home, and also very upset on Monday when the end of Daylight Savings Time meant that I was working an hour later than she thought I should be. She’s adjusted pretty well the past couple of days, but on Monday she had Opinions. Please enjoy the Nova photos for this week:

Chicago

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! I am in Chicago for work. It’s been a whirlwind rollercoaster of a week so far – we ended up being exposed to covid over the weekend, so I’ve been testing daily and wearing a mask nonstop on this trip. So far, all of my tests have come up negative and I’m still feeling okay, so fingers crossed I’ve continued to dodge that bullet.

I don’t have much by way of updates beyond that – I was home for all of 10 days between trips, so my brain is a little scrambled and I’ve mostly just been trying to stay afloat with homework. I did find Nova the perfect Halloween costume this year, though, so I’ll leave you with pictures of that!

Whirlwind

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written – the past two weeks I was in Boston helping to care for a chosen family member who had surgery. That trip and the surgery went well, and they’re healing nicely. They have three cats, including a 5 month old kitten who was a great model when he wasn’t being absolute chaos:

While I was in Boston, we got an update from Mouse’s new mom! She’s been renamed Nezumi (Japanese for Mouse), and while it took a solid couple of months of adjusting, it sounds like she’s much calmer now and is thriving in her new home. Apparently she’s going to start doing some agility training at home! I’m so thrilled for her, and grateful that we got pictures of her in the sweater I knit for her (which apparently was a little tight across the back…although I’m not terribly surprised, as she was pretty wiggly when I was trying to measure):

This week has largely been me playing catch-up at work and with school, as I fell a little behind on schoolwork while I was gone. Yesterday felt particularly eventful. I worked a half day, then headed to a dermatology appointment (everything’s fine), then a therapy appointment, and then ended the evening with a talent show at school. It was very fun to get to perform, to experience the talents of classmates and professors, and to meet classmates and professors in person that I hadn’t had the chance to meet yet.

And the whirlwind will continue after this week. Next Wednesday I’m flying to Chicago for work, and then staying through the weekend to catch up with some friends. I think once I get home from that trip I’m going to stay put for as long as possible!

On that note, I’m going to get back to work. There might not be a blog next week since I’ll be traveling, but I’ll be back! In the meantime, have some Nova:

Finding the Magic

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! It has been a somewhat chaotic week – I’ve been doing interviews for an open position on my team, schoolwork has felt like a lot this week, and I’m gearing up to head to Boston for about a week starting next Thursday to help take care of a chosen family member who’s having surgery. I’m tired and trying to keep my head above water.

But, over the weekend, I had the magical experience of hearing a song that I wrote performed by a choir!
After I performed at the open stage at Song School, a fellow attendee asked if I would be okay with him writing a choir arrangement for it for his choir at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Phoenix. On Sunday it was performed as part of their service on the theme of Deep Listening (which, as a current Spiritual Direction student, felt extremely appropriate), and I got to watch it streamed live on YouTube. I don’t have words for how it felt to hear this song I was already pretty proud of come to life like this – I definitely cried.

This video should start at the spot where they performed the song, but in case it doesn’t, that happens around 39:17.

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to experience something so magical in the midst of a hectic couple of weeks.

On Monday (even though it was almost 90 degrees outside) we revived Hotdish Monday with a classic from my husband’s grandma:

It felt good to cook, and I’m looking forward to doing Hotdish Monday more regularly again now that it finally seems to be cooling off.

We also discovered this week that Nova enjoys being rocked in the glider in my little reading nook in the office:

So a hectic week, but not a bad one, even if I’ve felt overwhelmed at times. I think I’m going to wrap things up here for the week – there might not be a blog next week (or possibly the week after) since I’ll be traveling, but I’ll be back! I’ll leave you with a couple more Nova photos in the meantime:

Fresh Ink

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! It’s a busy day for me today – lots of meetings at work this afternoon, and this evening I have class. So I’m going to keep this one fairly short, I think. But I do have something to share this week:

Last Friday I got a new tattoo from a local artist I’ve been following for a while. When they opened their books for custom pieces, I sent them a very loose, conceptual idea, and Thursday evening they sent me the design they’d come up with. I fell in love with it immediately. The appointment itself took about half the time they’d quoted me, so it was also less expensive than I was planning for which was a nice surprise. It’s a bear looking at Ursa Major, the sky bear! I also love that it looks like the bear is playing with my beard.

It’s healing beautifully and I’m extremely happy with how it turned out!

I’ll leave you, as always, with some Nova photos from this week – enjoy!

Sleepy

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! I have been very sleepy this week. Some of it, I think, has been due to construction happening across the alley from our apartment, which has involved loud trucks below our windows at 6am most mornings. And I’m sure some of it has to do with adjusting back into the routine of homework and class on top of everything else I have going on.

Other than being a sleepy week, it hasn’t been bad. I’m continuing to really enjoy my classes, and while they’re a lot of work, it’s all really interesting material. I’m looking forward to my synchronous class tonight.

I think I’m going to keep this one short this week, but please enjoy these Nova photos!

Back to School

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! The weather in the Twin Cities has finally cooled off just in time for my fall semester to start.

I’m really excited about my classes this term – I’m taking The Art of Discernment (which is the final Spiritual Direction-related class I need to take before I can start my practicum) and Queer and Trans Theologies. Queer and Trans Theologies I’m taking asynchronously, and The Art of Discernment I’ll be doing in person starting tonight! Although I am a little bit intimidated by the amount of work that both of these classes are going to be, I’m already enjoying digging into the subject matter, and I think they’ll both be really great experiences.

We’ve been working on reorganizing the storage situation in our apartment for the past several weeks – my husband kicked off this project because they wanted to create a reading nook for me in the office, and that wasn’t possible when the office was half workspace, half storage. I love my cozy little space and am so grateful that the office is less chaotic in general, because it’s also the room where I spend my entire working day.

Today is probably going to be a pretty packed day at work, and I’ll need to leave pretty immediately when I wrap up to make it to class on time. But after a few semesters of almost entirely remote school, I’m looking forward to being back in the classroom tonight!

I think I’ll leave it there for this week. Please enjoy this week’s Nova content: