Author: Alyxander James

Winding Down, Gearing Up

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! It’s gone from late winter straight to summer here in the Twin Cities this week (it was in the 40s last week, and yesterday we almost hit 90F), which has me feeling very thrown, and grateful that it’s supposed to calm back down to a much more seasonable 60-something in the next couple of days. Still, I’m glad for the sun that’s come out and the feeling of life re-emerging.

I am also re-emerging – this is the final week of my medical leave, and I’ll return to work on Monday. I’m a little nervous, and part of me wishes I had another week or two off. But at the same time, I’m looking forward to getting some structure back in my life. I don’t honestly know if my anxious brain could handle one more unstructured week.

In the meantime, my Comparative Religious Ethics class is wrapping up this week, and I’m trying to get my final paper written before the deadline (tomorrow at midnight). I have accepted (mostly) that it’s not going to be my best work. I think I can get it done in time, and I’m happy to see that I have a bit more focus than I did a couple of weeks ago, at least.

I still have another month of my Spiritual Direction class…because it’s through a different university that’s on a different timeline, that class will end right before my summer classes start up. I’m a little bummed that I won’t have a break between semesters, but at least this is the less stressful class. This summer I’ll be taking a class on Buddhist scriptures and one on early Christian theologies. I’m looking forward to both of them.

As I get further out from surgery, I’m trying to remember to stop and appreciate the feeling of rightness in my body. It feels more like it’s…mine. The fact that I never have to worry about menstrual cramps again (which I occasionally got mild versions of even after almost a decade of taking testosterone), or that if I were to lose access to testosterone, will never need to worry about my period coming back, is giving me an even deeper sense of peace and rightness within my body than I expected. So that’s cool.

I should get back to homework, so I’ll leave it here for this week. As always, here’s your weekly dose of Nova:

Resting

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! It’s been a decent week – recovery continues to go smoothly and although I’m still figuring out the limits of my energy, I’ve been feeling good overall.

This week has included listening to a handful of audiobooks (all books I’ve read before, because it turns out I have very little capacity for new information right now), knitting, and building a bunch of Lego sets:

The bouquet was a surprise gift from a friend, and was a delight to put together. My husband built the bonsai tree and the T-Rex, and I built the rest. This has been a really great way to keep my hands and brain busy, so I ended up ordering a couple of additional sets, which should get here today!

On Tuesday my cousin and I went to see the new D&D movie. We enjoyed it immensely! I was pretty beat after that excursion, but it was worth it.

Not a lot else to report on at the moment. I’ll leave you, as always, with some Nova moments from the past week:

Recovering

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! I am 9 days post-op from my hysterectomy, and feeling pretty good.

The procedure itself went really smoothly – the whole care team was fabulous, and the only thing that was less-than-stellar was the number of attempts it took to get the IV going, but that was unsurprising (my line is always “I’m not afraid of needles, but my veins are”), and even through that the nurses were really great. I haven’t needed to take anything heavier than ibuprofen for pain since the day of surgery, which was a pleasant surprise. I was feeling so good last Friday (three days after surgery) that I joined my husband and best friend for Nova’s morning stroll around the park across the street – I was a little wobbly when we got back inside, but mostly thought I was fine…until about 5pm that evening when I just crashed. I’ve been taking things a bit more slowly since then and letting myself sleep as much as I feel like I need to.

Really, recovery has been remarkably easy so far – the biggest challenge has been some brain fog and an extremely short attention span. I’ve been blown away by the support we’ve gotten from family and friends – surprise care packages, gift cards, sweet notes, visits…it’s just been really lovely to feel so cared for.

Since I don’t have a whole lot else going on right now, I’ll leave you with some extra Nova content this week – she’s been a trooper with having the household routine totally thrown off.

Almost Time

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! I am extremely distracted this week as the countdown to my hysterectomy gets smaller and smaller. We’re now less than a week away, which is absolutely wild.

I am blown away by the number of people who have offered support while I recover, and I am so, so grateful. Particularly with the news being what it is these days, I am painfully aware of how lucky I am to have this access and support. I wish it was like this for everyone.

A couple of months ago, I got really excited about the idea of tablet weaving, and ordered a loom and some other supplies. And then I kind of forgot about it…until this past weekend, when the loom finally arrived! I’m excited about it again, because I think this will be a really good recovery activity – I’ve found a simple pattern that I don’t need to think about too much.

I’ve also got a couple of simple knitting projects lined up, and am compiling lists of podcasts, books, movies, shows, and video games that friends have recommended for while I recover. I am going to be on medical leave from work for four weeks, and I’m trying to focus on my rest and healing and not worry too much about what chaos may be happening at work in the meantime.

That’s about it for this week. There will likely not be a blog next week, or if there is, it will go up late. See you on the other side, and in the meantime, here’s some Nova content to tide you over:

Ticking Away

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday. It’s been another wild week at work, and I’m scrambling to get everything I need to done, because surgery is now officially less than two weeks away. I am excited and anxious and a little bit overwhelmed, but I’ve also been completely bowled over by community support leading up to this, and for that, I am grateful.

Last night I went out for drinks and dinner with two of my best friends, and it was delightful. I’m finally starting to feel more connected here. It took a long time for me to feel like I had connections when we moved to Chicago in 2012; having to leave those deep connections when we moved back to MN in 2021 was hard, and I’ve been struggling a bit to figure out what community looks like for me here. But reconnecting with old friends has been lovely, and I’m tentatively letting down some roots in a handful of other places – an in-person D&D group, a potential songwriting group, my seminary classes…it feels like I’m starting to settle in more, and it feels nice.

I don’t honestly have a ton to talk about this week – a good 90% of my brain is focused on surgery and everything that needs to get done before then, and there’s not a lot else going on. But I’ll leave you, as always, with some quality Nova content:

Retreat

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! It’s been a hell of a week at work so far, but last weekend I went on a really lovely solo retreat, and I’m going to focus on that today.

I stayed in a little one-room cabin that was extremely cute:

I arrived Friday evening, and most of my time there on Friday was spent getting acclimated to the space. I ended up crashing pretty early that night.

Saturday ended up being a beautiful day! This was my view as I sat and ate breakfast, journaled, and worked on some songs:

(My husband pointed out that the pile of snow there looks rather like a leopard snoozing with one eye open.)

I spent a fair amount of Saturday writing, whether journaling or working on songs. I ended up getting two new songs written, both of which I’m pretty happy with, and which brought my final total for FAWM up to 11 songs in the month – that’s 10 more songs than I expected to write, and almost 4 times as many as I wrote last FAWM! In the evening I lit a fire in the fireplace – I wasn’t sure if I was going to end up doing it, because matches kind of freak me out and I was afraid I’d accidentally burn the place down, but it ended up being fine:

As the fire crackled, I watched the sunset from one of the rocking chairs, and it was glorious:

After it got dark, I turned all the lights in the cabin off and looked outside in the hopes of doing a bit of stargazing. I ended up seeing an old friend directly outside my window:

It was a lovely time away, and by Sunday morning I was ready to be home. I got back and had a lovely afternoon to lounge around my apartment with my husband and Nova before heading back out for a D&D game that evening, which was also super fun!

Monday I ended up waking up pretty sniffly and very tired, so I took a sick day. Tuesday and Wednesday were bonkers days at work, and I’m bracing for that to continue through the rest of the week. Still, I’m grateful for my little weekend getaway and the chance to reconnect with myself.

I will leave you with two things: first, if you’re interested in listening to anything I wrote for FAWM this year, you should be able to do that here through the month of March. And finally, here are some photos of Nova using me as a pillow for a full hour on Monday. I think she missed me while I was gone.

Snowy Sick Day

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday! We’ve gotten a whole bunch of snow in the last couple of days here in the Twin Cities. Nova is thrilled.

Last night I went to bed early with a headache, hoping I could sleep it off. I woke up this morning with less of a headache, but a very stuffy nose. I ended up calling off from work in the hopes that resting more will mean I’m not sick on my retreat this weekend. After a few more hours of sleep, I’m feeling somewhat better. Fingers crossed that this cold doesn’t get any worse in the next 24 hours.

I’ve lost some steam with FAWM – I’m holding steady at 9 songs. Hoping to get at least one more written over the weekend, but I’m trying not to put too much pressure on myself. I’ve already tripled my output from last year, and seeing as I’m still working and in school, that feels pretty good.

Not much else to report today. I’m excited to head up north for my solo retreat tomorrow and hoping the weather (and my immune system) hold out so that I can go.

I’ll leave you, as always, with some Nova photos:

Halfway

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday. This week has felt long for no particular reason, and I’m grateful that we’re nearing the weekend.

We are just over halfway through February, which means FAWM is just over half done. I’ve written 8 songs so far this month! I’m pleased that I’ve been able to do as much writing as I have been, even if it means getting up at stupid o’clock to do it. I’m having fun, which is the point.

Next weekend I’ve decided to take myself on a little solo retreat – I found a retreat center north of us where I’ve rented a little one room cabin for Friday afternoon through Sunday afternoon. I’m looking forward to it.

Today is going to be a long day to top off an already long week, but it’s ending with a much-needed massage, so that’s a happy thing.

I don’t really have a whole heck of a lot to report this week. But I’ll leave you, as always, with some Nova moments from this week:

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday. I’ve been all over the place this week in terms of focus and feelings and I am very glad that it’s nearly Friday.

FAWM is off to a great start, though! It’s February 9 today, and I’ve written 6 songs so far, which is twice as many as I managed last year and nearly halfway to “winning” with 14. I’m still not setting myself any sort of numerical goal this year – my second class of the semester starts tonight and things are going to be a bit busier from here out – but I’m really pleased with how it’s gone so far. I’m getting up at stupid-o-clock in the morning to make writing happen, but it hasn’t been too terrible yet.

I’m really excited about the class that’s starting tonight, which is sort of a continuation to the Intro to Spiritual Direction class I took last semester. I know all of my classmates, and they’re all lovely people that I’m excited to dig into the material with. We’ll be looking more at the practicalities of how to actually build a spiritual direction practice this semester. I’m also still really enjoying my Comparative Religious Ethics class, although I realize I need to start thinking more about what I want to write my final paper on so I can get a head start, since the last few weeks of the class will be immediately post-hysterectomy and I don’t know how much brain power I’ll have at that point.

Work has been a bit of a mixed bag this week. I’m juggling a lot of different priorities and I feel like I’m doing almost none of it particularly well. Thursdays are the days when I have therapy and then four 1:1s with direct reports that are basically back-to-back, which was a choice I made and that I mostly stand by, but it means by the end of the work day my brain is pretty fried. We’ll have to see how sustainable class is on top of that this semester.

Anyway, I’ll leave it there. As always, please enjoy these Nova photos:

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

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Hello, dear readers, and welcome to Thursday!

It is officially February, which means that FAWM has officially begun, and I am so excited about it! My goal going in this year was to get at least one song written, and I’ve already surpassed that by getting up early the past two mornings to write. FAWM is my favorite part of the internet, and the creative energy and output is truly astonishing. I’m loving listening to what friends and strangers are posting, and feeling inspired to see how far I can get this year. Last year I only managed 3 songs, which was still more than I expected given I was in my first semester of seminary, so we’ll see. My second class starts next week, so I’ll have less time after that.

Other than that, it’s a pretty normal week. Work has been a little up and down, but not as overwhelming as the past few weeks, so that’s nice. I picked up a book this week that a friend recommended that I’m excited to dig into. I’m working on knitting the sleeves of a sweater. I’m glad the sun has been out, even though it’s been pretty cold. I’m just generally in a better headspace this week than I was last week, and that’s nice.

I shall leave you, as always, with some Nova photos: