music

Thoughts on 31

/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

My 31st birthday was on Monday, and it’s been a good birthday week so far.

My parents came down on Saturday. We had brunch, picked up my birthday present (a new air conditioner), went to a movie, and ate pizza. It was a nice day.

Sunday was a lot of hanging out and tidying up the apartment. That night, we hosted a friend of a friend and his adorable dog on their way across the country. (Waking up Monday with a dog in my apartment was definitely a highlight.)

Monday I worked from home, both because it was my birthday and because I was hoping the maintenance guy would come and install the new AC. That didn’t end up happening before I had to leave for therapy, but it ended up being fine. Therapy was heavy, but good. I came home to find that my partner had picked up stuff for tacos, which was a delightful end to the day.

Tuesday I called off work. I wasn’t feeling great when I woke up, and I was still trying to get the AC installed (it took some pestering, but it did end up happening in the end). I spent a fair bit of the day processing what I’d worked through in therapy Monday night. And then, Tuesday night, I had songwriting class, which is always great. (I didn’t love what I’d written for this week, but that’s not the point of class. The point is that I wrote something.)

Yesterday, I went back to work. It was a pretty nondescript day, work-wise. But last night, I got myself over to Volumes Bookcafe in Wicker Park for an author conversation between Sarah Gailey (author of American Hippo, which I wrote about here a couple of weeks ago, and whose novel Magic for Liars was just released Tuesday) and Ferrett Steinmetz (who I was unfamiliar with but turned out to be super cool). It was a delightful event that reminded me how much I love learning about other creative people’s processes. I also had an exchange about names with Sarah while they were signing my book, where they told me they got to watch a young non-binary person use their name for possibly the first time at the signing the night before. It felt good to be recognized, especially because I’d been feeling like I was maybe not presenting queerly enough last night.

Tonight the great week continues, as we’re going to see Mary Gauthier in concert at the Old Town School.

Thirty-one feels pretty good so far. More settled than 30, but also maybe a little more willing to grow. It feels like it’s going to be a year of integration – connecting past iterations of myself with my present, listening to what I need and what I want and hopefully addressing those things. I’m looking forward to seeing what this next year holds!

Adventures

/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

Hello, dear readers! How on earth is it Thursday already? (At the same time: how is it only Thursday?) I am in that weird space where my body is exhausted but my brain is manic. #BipolarAdventures

It’s been a pretty good week. Here are some highlights:

  • On Sunday, a friend came over for breakfast so we could celebrate the fact that she finished grad school. (She graduates today!) I love the fact that we’ve cultivated this friendship that largely revolves around weekend breakfast/brunch and good conversation.
  • Monday night, my partner and I each played a set at the Acoustic Explosion (where six performers play 25 minute sets every Monday night). Both of our sets went well, and despite the nerves, we had fun.
  • This week at work has been busy, because I’m trying to wrap up some projects before I go on my first ever work trip next week. Sunday I’m flying to DC for the national conference for the company that makes our client database (which is what I manage at work). I’m not going to have time for sight-seeing, unfortunately, but I’m hoping I’ll get to connect with a friend or two. I’m also hoping for some good networking opportunities at the conference. I haven’t been to DC since I was in high school!

Clouds for Days

/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

It has been raining and overcast all week here in Chicago, and I am tired. This sort of weather is hard for multiple reasons – my brain gets squirrelly if it goes more than a couple of days without sunshine, and wet, humid weather makes my joints especially achy.

On the bright side, the rain (and on Saturday, snow) that we’ve gotten has knocked a lot of the pollen off the trees, and made my allergies much more bearable as a consequence.

Other bright points:

  • Therapy is going really well. My therapist is the best and I’m learning a lot as we process things. An important lesson that keeps coming up is that I need to celebrate my successes instead of just letting them pass by.
  • I started a new songwriting class this week. Banjo was great as a break, but I’m so happy to be back in this class with these people.
  • I have started working on a letter I’m planning to send out to my extended family as a sort of reintroduction. I’m feeling good about how it’s looking so far. The biggest hurdle is going to be getting addresses for everyone.
/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

I almost didn’t post anything this week. It feels like the only newsworthy item is the fact that I am suuuuuper allergic to the tree pollen that has exploded into the air this week. I am about nine kinds of congested and gross right now. My line at this time of year, as I sniffle and my eyes water, is: “Nature is just *sniff* so beautiful.” Truly, I love trees. And I love spring. Unfortunately, trees in spring do horrible things to my sinuses.

Other than all the sniffling, it’s been a pretty quiet week. Here are a few things that are getting me through this week of allergens:

  1. Lizzo’s new album, Cuz I Love You. If you haven’t yet, get yourself a copy. (It’s a very reasonable $7.99 on iTunes.) I have loved everything that Lizzo has put out, and this album is no exception. Her music is empowering and so damn catchy. Give it a listen!
  2. I had my last banjo class (for now, anyway) last night. It’s been a super fun break from songwriting and was a great palette cleanser. Now I’m headed back to songwriting class next week excited to create new stuff. Music makes my life so much fuller.
  3. I have tomorrow off because of Passover, and I am so happy about it. I have barely managed to get into the office the past few days because of my allergies, but I’ve done it. I’m ready for an extra day off.
/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

I’m sitting on the bus on my way to work Thursday morning, and I am not really sure what to write about. It hasn’t been a terribly eventful week. Truthfully, I’ve been dealing with a lot of pain and trying to navigate that reality. But there have been some bright spots, too. For example:

  • Friday night we had a chance to knit with a couple of friends for the first time in a while. I finished a pair of socks that I’d started two years ago, so that felt like an accomplishment.
  • Sunday night was the class showcase for the songwriting class I was in in January and February. I am always so impressed by the work that comes out of those songwriting classes, and that community is something truly special. I am grateful to be a part of it.
  • Last night I started taking a banjo class, and I am very excited about it. The instructor is a friend and an excellent teacher, and the class promises to be a lot of fun.

February Reflections

/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

It’s the final day of February, and I’m tired. But it’s been an interesting month. Here are some highlights:

  • FAWM, obviously. Unless I miraculously get something done tonight, I’m ending the month with sixteen new songs, plus two that I co-wrote with my partner. I’m pleased with the majority of my songs, and I’m really happy with how our co-writes came out. Collaborating was a new experience for us, and neither of us was sure how it would go.
  • I started seeing a new therapist. It’s going really well.
  • I had some really good times hanging out with friends – I didn’t let FAWM completely take over my life. We had a visit from a Minnesota friend, a birthday party, and I got to play D&D. I am frequently reminded how great my people are. I’m a very lucky queer.

I’m looking forward to getting our apartment back under control in March, and hopefully sleeping more.

14 Songs

/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

I hit my goal of 14 songs for FAWM on Monday. Fourteen songs in eighteen days – I’m pretty pleased with those numbers. There’s still about a week left in February, so we’ll see how many more I can get done before the month is out.

Things I’ve learned or relearned so far this month:

  • Showing up is the hardest (and most important) part. I learned this last year during FAWM, and while I haven’t put it as much into practice as I’d like, I’m getting there. I think creative folks can easily fall into the trap of waiting around for inspiration to hit and avoid doing creative work because it just doesn’t feel like the right time, but the thing is…if you want inspiration to show up, you need to show up first. The times I have been most prolific have been the ones where I set aside an hour specifically for writing, and then just wrote. Sometimes I hit dead ends, yes – but not as often as I expected to. More often I found that inspiration caught up with me and I was able to write some interesting and unexpected things.
  • FAWM is fun on its own, but it’s way more fun if you know people from outside the internet who are doing it. My partner has been participating this year, as well as some other friends, and it’s so great to have a little community of people I can run into in my day-to-day life and gush with about this bonkers thing we’re doing.
  • One of the best ways to get unstuck if I feel like I can’t write is to experiment. This month I have written in a total of three guitar tunings, used a slide for the first time, and written a song on the mandolin (or, well, on the ‘ukulele, but it’s currently tuned like a mandolin…). Switching to something that’s outside of my comfort zone is a great way to let a song go to unexpected places.

And now, here’s song number 14, which is one of my favorites from this month:

Progress

/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

Sometimes, progress is obvious and happens quickly. Other times, it can feel like it’s not happening at all. This week has largely been one of those other times.

FAWM marches on, and I have been writing – I’m up to 12 songs and it’s the 14th of the month. This week it’s been harder, though. I’ve had trouble waking up early to write. Still, I’ve written some keepers, and that’s exciting. Here are a few of the songs I’m proudest of so far:

Work has been frustrating, not because of anything specific to my job, but because my brain has been extremely foggy this week. I haven’t gotten much done, because I can’t keep my train of thought on the rails long enough to see things through. I feel stuck, and it’s not a pleasant feeling.

I am looking forward to the weekend. A friend of ours is coming down from Minnesota to hang out for a couple of days. I’m looking forward to some low-key hangouts and pizza.

Brain Fog

/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

I am, for no particularly good reason, having a bit of a rough week. Maybe it’s the constantly-shifting weather that’s turning my body into a constantly-achy mess. Maybe it’s the largely cloudy weather. Maybe it’s the cold/possible sinus infection I’ve been fighting since Christmas. But the past few days, mornings in particular have been really rough. I wake up later than I mean to, and then wrestle for a long time with the reality that I need to get out of bed.

This morning, I woke up and everything felt heavy, and I realized that this is probably me sliding down toward the depressed end of my Bipolar cycle. I almost called off, but I’m leading a training this morning at work, so that really wasn’t an option. I’m on my way to work now, and hoping that the coffee I picked up on my way to the bus helps.

In an effort to turn my morning around a bit, here are a few things I’m currently grateful for, despite feeling crummy:

  • A somewhat flexible work environment. I’ve been able to take days off or work from home when I’ve needed to.
  • Technology. It’s maddening a lot of the time, but it’s also the thing that lets me have text conversations with friends.
  • Songwriting/songwriters. I haven’t been writing as much recently, but I’m getting back to it, and I’m grateful to have such a great community of folks to get feedback and inspiration from.

Creativity Abounds

/ Alyxander James / Leave a comment

I am dashing this post off on Thursday morning before I really dig into my work day. I am working from home today (I’ve been dealing with a lot of body/joint pain as the weather shifts, and it’s been exhausting, so I’m giving myself a little break from major activity, and I hear the internet at work is spotty, so I will probably get more done here than I would there, anyway), and am currently enjoying the morning sunlight and the glow of the Christmas lights we have strung around our living room windows. It’s peaceful.

The past week has highlighted how much I love being creative. Here are three ways that’s shown up:

  1. Last Thursday, while I was volunteering in the library area at the Old Town School of Folk Music, I finally finished the sweater I’d started working on over a year ago.  A couple of weeks before I’d been panicking a bit, because I wanted to get it done by Christmas, and I was in what felt like a bit of a black hole with the knitting – I’d knit and knit and knit and it didn’t seem to get any larger. Suddenly, though, it was done, and I got it sewn together, and it fits like a dream and it’s the most successful sweater I’ve ever made. I’m so excited to show it off at Christmas (and I’ve worn it a couple of other times already). Now that I finally have that project off the needles, I feel a little lost as to what I want to cast on for my next big thing. In the meantime I’ve started a new pair of fingerless gloves to replace some that got a hole torn in them last winter (I’m going to repair the torn ones, but I want a non-patched pair, too).
  2. On Saturday, my partner and I attended a songwriting workshop with one of our favorite teachers at the Old Town School, Sue Demel. (Sue is just one of my favorite people, period.) In the workshop, we went over a chapter from Italo Calvino’s Six Memos for the Next Millennium, the chapter on “Multiplicity,” and Sue talked us through how we could use Calvino’s insights to improve our writing. We did a bunch of writing exercises in the workshop, and each left with at least one verse. After the workshop, I was once again volunteering in the school’s resource center, and I got a chance to work more on my lyrics. I managed to get I think four verses and a chorus worth of lyrics out before the end of my shift. I haven’t had a chance to go back and finish it yet, but I’m excited about the unexpected places it’s been taking me.
  3. On Sunday, I got together with my D&D group for the first time in a couple of months. I hadn’t fully realized how much I missed these friends and our shenanigans until we were playing together again. I love collaborative storytelling so damn much, and I’m glad to have people in my life who are just as into it as I am.