Running Late

This has been a weird week.

I am the sort of person who is consistently early. Ten to fifteen minutes if I know where I’m going and who I’m meeting; half an hour if I’m especially anxious. But this week has not been going that way.

I haven’t really been late to appointments, but I’ve been having such a hard time getting up in the morning that I’ve been consistently late to work. Not in a way that’s bound to get me in trouble – I’ve still mostly been the first person on my team to get there. But late by my usual standards.

Right now as I’m writing this, I should be walking up to my office. Instead, I’ve just made it to the bus stop.

It’s frustrating. I feel like I’m glued to the bed when I wake up, like no amount of sleep is ever enough. It’s not so much of a problem once I’m up, it’s just the getting up that’s really hard.

My birthday is next week. It feels like it snuck up on me. I don’t mind being another year older (I’m grateful that I made it this far), but I am fighting the impulse to feel like I’m not enough of an adult, that I haven’t accomplished enough, that I don’t have my shit together enough to be 31.

But the more I look around and talk to folks, the more I realize that a lot of us are in that boat, right? So maybe I’m okay after all.

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