It has, objectively, been a pretty good week I got to spend some quality time with friends, enjoy a comedy show, a theatre show, and a concert, and I’ve had some quality alone time, too.
But because my Bipolar brain doesn’t always or only react to outside circumstances, the objective positivity of the week hasn’t translated to an equal level of emotional positivity.
I’m in a bit of a depressed downswing, is what it comes down to.
Now, this is nowhere near the worst I’ve felt, and I know that eventually I’ll be fine. But it’s still a struggle.
At the same time that this downswing has been happening, I’ve been working really hard to establish more routine in my life. My partner and I have started meal planning over the weekend for the whole upcoming week. I’m getting back into the habit of using my planner and writing down my to do lists instead of trying to keep it all in my head. And I started working through The Artist’s Way this week, so I’m getting up early to do morning pages (three pages written longhand as a brain dump first thing in the morning) every day.
Establishing new routines is a challenge at the best of times, but it’s especially hard when depression hits and leaves you with no motivation.
Still, I’m managing okay. I’ve done a better job than I was expecting myself to do. And I think it’s helping. Having a routine and a schedule to stick to saves energy, because I’m not wasting time figuring out what I need to be doing in the moment.
So life doesn’t feel especially easy right now, but I think I can say that I’m doing okay.