As a meditative practice, I draw a tarot card each morning when I get up and use it as a focal point for some journalling and introspection. There’s been a major theme over the past week of rest, and healing, and struggling to let those things happen.
I am not great at rest.
Don’t get me wrong – I thoroughly enjoy being lazy a lot of the time. But as a chronic insomniac and a person whose brain never really shuts down, the concept of “rest” is one that I struggle with a lot.
I’ve needed to work around that this week. I’ve been in recovery mode since my surgery last Wednesday (which was relatively minor but still came with post-op restrictions and several stitches), and it hasn’t always been easy. I’ve been tired, both because my body is putting itself back together and because the pain medication I’ve been on tends to make me feel a little foggy. I worked from home last Thursday and Friday, but have been out and about every day since Sunday, which has helped keep me from feeling stir crazy but has also meant that I’m experiencing rather more pain and awareness of my limitations at a week post-op than I did the first day or two. As I’m writing this Wednesday evening, I haven’t managed to make it through a full day at work yet (though I’m really, really hoping that doesn’t continue to be a trend). I’m incredibly lucky that my boss is more concerned with my general well-being than anything else, because I’ve not been anywhere near as productive as I’d like.
I am definitely on the mend. And I am learning (ever so slowly) that it is okay to have limitations. This is a lesson I’m sure I’m going to keep coming back to many times in the coming months. I’m hoping it’s one that gets easier with practice.